NOTICE TO MY READERS
by Joanna Gilman Hyde
I have been having a terrible time with the poem titled “MINE” — also temporarily titled “ENTRENCHMENT” — and I have made numerous changes throughout this afternoon while working on it. I would appreciate any opinions on this version or earlier ones, if you have the time to consider it/them. Maybe it’s not one of my better ones?
Thank you very much,
Joanna
Joanna Gilman Hyde 
Leave it alone for today and come back to it later, tomorrow, next week.
Thank you. I’ll try to do that.
I often find that if I tweak something too much, it ends up losing a lot of its original essence. I think the best thing would be to do as nightshiftsister suggested and to compare them again tomorrow as objectively as possible, or post the versions all in one post and ask your readers to compare them on the same page as some of us may have bad memories and not be able to recall what the earlier versions were like.
It sounds as if you’re putting far too pressure on yourself, J. step away for a little time, and return with a clear head and fresh thoughts. I amended one of mine today that I wrote a year and a half ago! (I’m not suggesting you wait quite that long), and what an improvement it was. Anyway, I hope this is helpful to you, and I’m happy to read any of your poems and give my ‘umble opinion.
e
I agree with nightshiftsister. leave yourself some distance from it and come back to it. Difficulties will resolve themselves. That’s what I do in these case.
Thank you all for your suggestions. The only real difference now is that I omitted “Mine is The World/in-which He is entrenched” for the ending. Right now I’m thinking the ending I’ve kept is stronger — I hope it’s obvious that because of what has gone on over the years, he would refuse to be my doctor.