The Hawk Kitchen 2:10pm
I stood in The Portal
of My House
waving good-bye
to My Husband after
lunch —
I stood
as A Woman
not just of The House
but of The World
The Tomato-coloured Couch 3:32pm
Last Night I Had A Dream
I was married
to Dr Blair
I felt safe
in the security
of Our Marital Bed
I felt His Warm Right Hand
on My Left
& then I went to sleep
The Hawk West Desk Window 2:45pm
I used to go to churches
and found them hollow places
Who there would hear of My Unstoppable
Shower Of Lights?
Who there could understand The Depths
of My Enclosed Depression?
–
I used to go to churches
looking for companionship
in the rawness of being broken open
like the delicate egg
I was trying to carry
–
I used to go to churches
when I wanted to die instead —
where no Minister could make Me
whole
and no friend could balance Me
–
I used to go to churches
and now I am Home
years beyond the fragility
in the compatibility
of My Marriage
where My House is
My Church
The Tomato-coloured Couch 8:22pm
I am a little girl
hair in braids
clutching My Tabby Cat
listening to My Mother
–
I am a self-sufficient teenager
riding My Bike
on My Paper Route
making My Teachers happy
wanting to be a helicopter pilot
an artist on the side
–
I am a young mother
homesteading with a handsome family man
approved of by My Mother
having Our Babies*
before & soon after Her Death
–
I am an “older” woman now
reviewing two marriages
children grown
houses changed with assorted cats
& somehow I am happy
not too far from My Own Mind
*one who was aborted on March 27, 1997
The Hawk Kitchen 10:22am
I see My Rings stacked
up on the tail
of a ceramic cat
poised at My Kitchen Sink:
My Big ? Ring
& My Wedding Rings
Hunter bought Me years ago
eyed by My Daughter
from Time To Time
— I know She would love an engagement ring
from Her Very Serious Boyfriend
& if She got one
would that assure Me
She would not be as promiscuous
as I was?
Would She be as happy
as She could be
& for how long?
–
With The World Waiting For Her
at such a young age
could She be
a Cape Island House Wife?
Though isn’t that what I am —
secure in My Maturity
happy in My Place?
The Hawk Tomato-coloured Couch 6:24pm
I have A Doctor for A Husband
His Name is Dr Blair
He’s away from Me when He’s with His Patients
I was once a patient there
–
He has Silver Hair
& bionic teeth
He supports Me in all I do
when We’re together
all is fine
I know He’ll see Me through
–
In His Office
when He’s away
I’m reluctant to call Him there
when He’s at home
He’s a different man
He is in My Care
I spied a pregnant woman
out behind Dr Blair’s office–
I was in My Car
in The Shade
an hour from My Pregnancy Test
which was negative
–
Dressed in Black & Red
She Shaded Her Eyes
& looked up at The Elm
where I married Dr Blair
in a ceremony
I care not to remember:
My Father
assigned to “give Me away”
called up the apartment stairs
for Me to hurry
and reluctantly doled out punch
while I sat
beside My Cake
Joanna Gilman Hyde 