20 years ago She was His Patient
when She had an affair
with Dr Blair —
then She lived with Him
for 5 years
then They got married
for 14
and Divorced
to find both in separate places:
Hers on The Hawk
His to South Side
where They meet along the wide-open beaches
connecting
just to drive each other crazy
is the 31st anniversary
of My Marriage
to The Father of My Three Children —
and a Good Father He is.
It was a day like today:
Still, Hot and Sublime
There is a place for Marriage
in amongst the confessions
of many — The Vow
and if You break it
You’re in trouble.
My First Vow was “until Death”
and The Death was My Mother’s —
My Second
I don’t remember voicing
and the wedding itself
was an abomination.
I had a dream
of a house, my house
on an island
with a row of carrots
planted by the back
and the Eastern Sun
out front
and a man I could call
my own — well
he says he’s not in my life
he will not leave his wife
and so must I salvage
my second marriage
in some capacity
or should I, could I
be Independent?
Every Woman Knows
Prostitution is Marriage
With Every Bed Made
I
He used to say:
“I love Your Toes –”
and didn’t know why
so nobody knows
II
He once wrote:
“I love You to distraction –”
It came at a time
when I was a fraction
of My Former Self
at His Behest
when We were installed
as His Daughter’s Guests
III
Her voice rang clear
the morning We left:
“You don’t give a fuck
about your grandchildren — ”
and so goes My Quest
for compensation regarding My Past
twenty years of seclusion by Him —
He Who assured Me
He never would fail
to deliver support
if I fell off The Rail
which I did once or twice
(but not into His Arms)
though I stayed as His Wife
and buttered His Charms
IV
It’s over now —
I’m cutting My Loss
of One Child’s Silence
I am willing to toss
to remain in My Stead
I ask to be free
of The Bonds of This Marriage
strung on The Cross
The Hawk Deck 10:17am
I stood on an August Deck
of The Yarmouth Ferry to Maine
with The Man I was to marry
— this was thirty years ago —
I told Him I was very happy
— He said He was too —
We had Our Nova Scotia Life
spread out before Us:
restoring an enchanting house
having Our First Baby
Our Son Peak
— The Core of My Family Unit —
to have and to hold for five years
until My Mother got sick and died
and I was no longer the same.
–
This August 31st
I stood again with Them
at The House No Longer Lived In
and They didn’t want Me to leave.
Peak’s Father gave Me
an unsolicited hug
and My Grown Son
looked at Me
half-smiling
wondering if I would stay.
The Hawk Kitchen Outpost 3:20pm
I Have A Gull
Who Knows His Place
He Sits, raw
on My Right Middle Finger
a chunk of amethyst
bought Myself
next to My Included Refinement
bought Myself
He gets thrown hunks
of out-dated bread
from My Left Hand Fingers
dead-weighted with the diamonds
of marital promise
swallowed whole
while holding His Ground
Joanna Gilman Hyde 