Joanna Gilman Hyde

"Good Morning, World!"

Tag: Dr W Hunter Blair

ASIDE FROM MY PERFECT PREGNANCY IN 1994

The Hawk Deck 4:04pm

Since that first spring of 1993

with a ten-minute diagnosis of schizophrenia

crowning My Head after My Mother’s Death

and a summer’s hospitalisation for depression

when a psychiatric nurse tried to assure Me

“There will be other summers” —

how could She have known

there wouldn’t be a straight one

until now, twenty-three years later,

when My Second Husband

allows Me to throw

My Bed-thrashing Knees

across His Hip

in the dead of night

and reads My Extensive Medical Records

on His Lunch Break

to find out what happened?

JUST HOW BAD WAS I?

The Hawk Deck 12:05pm

On this very beautiful day

in July

just how bad was I

when I insisted to My Husband

on December 18

that I go back to the hospital

dressed in a black negligee

bare feet

and bullet proof vest?

Just how bad was I

when My Children came home

that Christmas

and left My House?

I was on

a double dose of Olanzapine

the poison I have been off

now for one month

of nearly halcyon existence

I need My Children —

They can help Me change

the music in My Car

from Joy Division and Future Islands

to something new and cogent

LAST LEG

The Hawk Kitchen Outpost 4:30pm

I have come through

an oven of madness

I have been broiled

and poked

for The Life of My Daughter

for My Son since He was five

when I made a pact

with My Self

that I would never feel

the pain of the loss

of My Mother

and found instead

the love that sustained Me

through My Temperature Gage

of Molten Silver

and Highest Reverie

I have spoken

of My Vile Nature

black with burnt offerings

of Salvation

for The Masses

yet to come

I am out

on the table

for dinner with My Starving Family

My Ex Husband I loved

in the sun

of Our First House,

a tiny one

I am out,

reposing

to be eaten now

with Mint Jelly

from the shady side

of My Mother’s Well

 

THE LAVENDER ROOM

The West Desk Window 11:25am

Eliza’s lovely little room

was an assignment

for Me to sleep

and By God I slept —

I slept and woke —

woke and slept and dreamed

and tossed off My Love Ring Quilt

and watched The Sun emerge

from The Eastern Waters —

I listened to the early birds

the crows and gulls

and song birds

and yes, the funny funny Rooster

I watched The Sun hit

the wall by the door

and now I am out of there

I have returned to My Husband

and The Cats —

the old dilapidated comforter

the mismatched sheets

and the open window to The West

 

THE CHILD’S BED

The Hawk Kitchen Outpost 10:22am

Last Night M(EYE) Husband

had to come into Eliza’s Room

to kiss Me Good-night —

He remarked that I looked

so small

tucked into

Her Big High Bed

DEPARTURE

The Hawk Kitchen Outpost 9:55am

EYE am The Artist

standing at My Door

waving Good-bye to My Husband

dressed in My Thick Grey Robe

the substance of The Sky

today

on a day

when anything can happen

CALL TO ORDER

The Hawk Kitchen Outpost 9:33am

My Life is in Order:

the grass is being cut

after three weeks —

a super load of laundry is on

and I feel like

cooking something

decent tonight

for My Hard-working Husband

who had to take pain-killers last night

— He’s still stoned —

and is going into the office

@ Noon

AFTERMATH OF M(EYE) HALO

The Hawk Kitchen Outpost 7:45am

Eye catch a glimpse

of Silver out past the edge

of the scrub spruce forest —

I am left today

with the hangover of My Halo

effect of yesterday — all day —

when My Husband had to stay home

in the afternoon

as I taunted Him

with soiled underwear

THE FAMILY OUTING

The Hawk Kitchen Outpost 1:22pm

Three birds landed in My Scraggly Apple:

two Starlings and one smaller greyish-brownish variety —

and dropped to the yard

into high grass needing cutting —

but there I saw through the grass

the smaller unknown open His Mouth

and The Starling nearest popped something

inside — I saw this

three times

before The Threesome flew off

and left Me

to tell My Husband

as He came home for lunch —

when My Husband was done

eating His Bagel

He looked out back and was able

to see a return of The Starlings

to the opposite section of Our Yard

whereupon The Youngster

almost hidden by grass

opened His Mouth again

and got fed some more

THE WEDDING GIFTS

The Hawk Deck 11:38am

I have one surviving

heavy ceramic casserole & lid

hand-thrown

which I use all the time

given to Peter & Me

by a pair of artists

— My Mother’s Friends —

it would have been Our 29th

yesterday

& one small set of wind chimes

given to Hunter & Me

by a fisherman I grew up with

& His Kindly Sweet Wife

— The Chimes moved this morning

on this 1st Day of June

as I had My Hawk Kitchen Outpost Window

open