Saucy Me Dream

by Joanna Gilman Hyde

Eye walked briskly past

The Security Desk

into Saltwire News

dressed in the orange dress

(last worn with Dr Blair)

and my white toeless pumps —

Nobody stopped me.

Eye found Haylea Dilnot-Reid’s office

whereupon she tried to hand me

$15 — a five & a ten Canadian

& Eye said, repeatedly, what’s this for

some kind of pay off?

She had a sink

inwhich Eye tried to throw the bills

butt they stuck to my right hand.

Eye deposited them anyway —

demanding the name of Saltwire’s director

Him/Her or It —

Eye found my gold hand bag riffled through

money wasn’t missing butt was crumpled.

Next Eye was in Donald Trump’s office

& tried to shake hands

with a black-haired guy named Howard Dunn

butt he took my whole hand

& squooshed it & Eye tried

to get my hand free

to shake his hand properly.

Donald Trump wondered

what that was all about.

(Eye had said Eye would remember

Howard Dunn’s name because

it was my brother’s)

Eye sat across from Mr Trump

at his desk

next to a snotty blonde woman

who was folding linen napkins

& complained that my lipstick

would get on the napkin

so Eye told her to fuck off —

that Eye would find another seat

which Eye did, in front of the window

on an old-fashioned upholstered high chair

which Eye practically laid on

thinking: oh this is nice, Im by the window

& asked Donald Trump

whom Eye addressed as Doug

& said, “Oh sorry, I got your name wrong “

Eye asked him if Howard Dunn

was related to Patt Dunn

Minister of Community, Culture, Tourism and Heritage

Donald asked another man

to look that up —

there were a lot of people in the office

& Eye asked , “What are we all doing here

having a party?”

Mrs Trump, dressed in a white pant suit

was there too

now sort of on top of me

as Eye asked her about a puzzle

she had made of her husband’s face

& repeatedly asked her

had she done the puzzle

had she put it together

& Eye was running my fingertips

over the puzzle

which was above me

with Mrs Trump on top of me

rocking back and forth

as if she was humping me.