The Hawk Wast Desk Window 1:22pm
My Ex-husband has a room
He built
above a garage
for neighbours I haven’t met
He calls it His Favourite Room
He took Me up there today
to look for Hunter’s Lost Pet
— I knew She wouldn’t be there —
in that perfect
extra
bedroom
of oiled wood
skylights
and
pastel paint
Do I
have to
work
guilt
in here
somewhere?
The Tomato-coloured Couch 8:22pm
I am a little girl
hair in braids
clutching My Tabby Cat
listening to My Mother
–
I am a self-sufficient teenager
riding My Bike
on My Paper Route
making My Teachers happy
wanting to be a helicopter pilot
an artist on the side
–
I am a young mother
homesteading with a handsome family man
approved of by My Mother
having Our Babies*
before & soon after Her Death
–
I am an “older” woman now
reviewing two marriages
children grown
houses changed with assorted cats
& somehow I am happy
not too far from My Own Mind
*one who was aborted on March 27, 1997
The Tomato-coloured Couch 5:30pm
I married Him under apple boughs
on The Island of My Mother
and when She died
six years later
I would love another
–
I went to see Our Marital House
to see Eliza there
to deliver dishcloths
She was wanting
to see how She had cared
enough to put a sprig of apple
in a bottle neck deep and red
It glowed upon a kitchen sill
I have nothing left to dread
no more hurting husbands
no more dying pets
I am free now
in My Life
even to forget
The Hawk Living Room 1:30pm
Is It Too Trite
to write about My Old Bike
getting thrown out in the trash
along with My Cross Country Skis
Eliza doesn’t want —
My Ex Husband called this morning
promting the question
does anybody still want
My Teal 3-Speed I got for My Thirteenth Birthday?
Eliza said “no” & I said
“Are You putting it out by the road
for somebody to take?”
The Hawk Queen Bed 8:00am
When I left My Children’s Father
fourteen years ago in June
I left My Clothes in Atlantic
I left The Pets
I left My Share of The Atlantic House
I left money in a joint bank account
I left two enormous pieces of furniture
The Secretary & High Boy inherited from The Woman I was named after —
I left Them in The Divorce Papers for Peak & Eliza
I had to leave My Kids
because I couldn’t take care of Them
The Tomato-coloured Couch 7:15pm
When My First Husband told Me
He Loved Me
I wore a floral summer dress
to receive My Canadian Citizenship
He was renting a room
outside of Halifax
for a movie job
— He was a Master Carpenter —
I stayed the night with Him
— brought The Children —
in the sparse house of a Scientologist
— the only books were Scientology —
in the dark, quietly
with Eliza in Her portable crib
& Peak on a spare bed
I heard “I Love You”
in My Left Ear
Joanna Gilman Hyde 