THE JORDAN BAY HOUSE
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The Hawk Queen Bed 4:38pm
Today on 2 hrs sleep
from 2 mgs Ativan
I began the sculpted head
of My Beautiful Dark Haired Woman
Who appeared on My Right Shoulder
in Roseway Hospital
October 1993
–
She said a lullaby in My Ear —
the most melodious voice I had ever heard
and today I have swaddled a Styrofoam core
in thin slices of plasticine
hyperventilating as I went
hearing My Son’s suggestion
from yesterday’s walk on The Hawk Beach —
“Mom, why don’t You just
exhaust Your Self?”
every slice
from a red-handled knife My Brother gave Me
pushed Me on to panel the form —
My Goal was to cover it, and I did
after carving HTWH in the Styrofoam skull
resting on My Ceramic Bluenose Plate
My Keepsake from the childhood crossings
in that vessel from Bar Harbor, Maine
to Yarmouth, Nova Scotia
when I was so happy
with My Little Family
of Mother, Brother and Me
The Hawk West Desk Window 5:25pm
I learned the word “Sanctuary”
from My Mother
Who had it written
on a weathered shingle
nailed to a tree along
the trail We blazed
to The North East Bluff
of McNutt’s Island —
She wrote a passage below
that word, which,
if My Brother were alive
He would remember
Eliza’s Room 9:32pm
I slept in a nunnery the night before
I took My Brother Howard out
of Mt. Sinai Hospital
where He thought The World had ended
and a nurse told Me
He was not ready to leave —
I got Him on a bus
to the Toronto airport
where He thought the man behind us
was Our Second Cousin Billy —
Howard paced around while We waited
to board the plane —
He demanded to speak to The Captain —
He thought the plane would crash —
He had crashed
My dear terrified Brother
and My Mother and I
tried to take care of Him
with an Orthomolecular Diet
I tried to persuade Him
that His Hallucination
in Saudi Arabia
of His Step-brother shooting Him
in the stomach
with a “laser gun”
was nothing more than a dream —
He was fated to die
twenty-five years later
at the hands of jail guards
from The Burnside Correctional Centre
in Nova Scotia
having been “tasered” twice
by Halifax Regional Police
within the last thirty-six hours
of His Life
The Hawk Kitchen Outpost 12:50pm
When I was a strapping girl
in a swim suit
I pushed My Fearful Brother
off the bow of Our Mother’s Molly
and He yelled at me
from the splashing water —
“What’d ya do that
for Joanna!”
The Hawk Kitchen Outpost 8:20am
My Brother used to cry
in His Crib
in Jordan Bay
and My Mother would not
go to Him
Her Mother got upset
and told Her She was wrong
but She would not listen
and raised a child
Who was afraid of swimming
Who covered knot holes
in His Island Bedroom Panelling
with masking tape
because He saw in the fluid knots
scary creatures
The Hawk Living Room 4:30pm
A new arrangement of paintings
builds a triangle upon My Living Room Wall:
My Mother’s Portrait as a very young woman
painted by My Uncle
dresses the wall below My Balcony
hanging in the middle
above two impressionist paintings
of Africa — She took Me
as an infant to grow there
in Gabon and came home
with these two paintings
I framed in art school —
one showing a grass-roofed hut
palm trees with seated figure —
the other showing four bark canoes
and two figures readying them
in the foreground of open water
and open sky —
My First Year In Africa
She called The Worst Year
of Her Life — spent insomniac
underweight, pregnant
with My Fated Brother —
Africa inspired Her Novel
NOT EVEN THE MOON
never published —
Her Portrait looks down
to those two African paintings
and I look up to all three
The Hawk Kitchen Outpost 4:20pm
My Brother, Who’s Dead,
used to make & bring
a cup of tea
sipping off the too-full brim
before handing it
to Me
The Hawk Kitchen Outpost 8:29pm
First & Foremost I am
A Human Being —
I come from the planet Earth
where I made My Self
from the mesh of molten rock
& the salt from endless waves.
I came to My Human Form
through My Mother, primarily
though My Father
gave Her Lie-sense.
I was born into a world
of tumult
@ The Exact Right Time
to become what I am Today:
A Woman Understood
Joanna Gilman Hyde 