Joanna Gilman Hyde

"Good Morning, World!"

Tag: Eliza Haeghaert Hyde

NOVA SCOTIA

The Hawk West Desk Window 7:36pm

I wore My Blue Nose Dress

red sleeveless top, blue skirt

with white linear arrows appliquéd

on front, pointing up

— or were they pointing down?

It was The Outfit I remember

of all My Childhood Ferry Crossings

driven from Valley Cottage, New York

by a sleep-deprived Mother

to Bar Harbour, Maine’s Blue Nose Port

— with a younger Brother I barely remember —

driven and ferried every summer to Nova Scotia

The Province I would stay in

all My Adult Life —

married twice

with the lives & death of My 2.4 Children —

to live in old houses

on an island

on the mainland in woods named Atlantic

in an historic town named Shelburne

in a doctor’s big white castle in Barrington Passage

& now a new house

— new island —

on the point farthest south:

The Hawk, Cape Sable Island

where My Second Husband sleeps

on low blood pressure

while maintaining His high pressure job

taking care of nearly half the population

this end of the county —

and what do I do?

I am a housewife —

The Laziest In The World

according to My Daughter

& I Write To Tell The World

LULL

The Tomato-coloured Couch 8:25pm

In The Mid-nineties

I lay in bed for weeks

unbathed

wanting to die

not caring for my family

— why write it here —

here where I am happy & satisfied?

because I am in a lull

& I don’t have My Two-year-old Daughter

tearing covers off Me

insisting, “Mom — get up —

Yer Starvin'”

FOR THE GIRL WHO HAS EVERYTHING

The Hawk Living Room 3:15pm

Here, take This Silver-bricked

Highway

out to Your Island

take Your Golden-haired Daughter

out to Her Corral

take Your Silver-haired Husband

out of His Office

fly Your Little Man

over the scrub spruce

out to Your Paradisical Beach

THE ONLY CERTAINTY

The Tomato-coloured Couch NOON

I have One Child still

at home

I fold Her Laundry

Make Her Bed

because

I Love Her

THE CREATIONIST

The Hawk Kitchen 9:37am

I floated down The Hudson River

on a cloud of pink

baby pink

but I had eyes

& could see My Parents

incestuous playmates

together at The Waterfalls

of Snedens Landing

I impregnated My Mother

& She tried to gallop on a horse

to get rid of Me

but since I stayed

She wanted Me

& stuck to Me like horse glue

The first year of human-hood

was spent in Africa

for My Father to teach Africans

how to drive tractors

& for My Mother to give dinner parties to African Dignataries

where Dr Schweitzer held Me

on His Lap

& looked at My Toes

As soon as My Mother & I came home by freighter

Howard was born

& He became My New Shadow

The Hawk Deck 10:37am

Our Mother raised us single-handedly

while Our Father, back from Africa & Divorced

toiled fruitlessly on a dairy farm

Howard & I grew into

robust teenagers

— He a musician

— I an artist

laden down

by My Mother’s Failed Love Affair

with a famous Jazz Player

Fuck This Shit —

I’m not laden down by anything:

Mother’s Old Lost Love

Her Early Death By Malignant Brain Tumour

My Shower of Unintelligible Light

on March 31st, 1993

Brother’s Dying on a Jail-house Floor

or Years of Depression

with My Daughter’s Early Childhood Memories

of Her Mother Lying In Bed

or Hospitalized for Weeks On End

That Daughter has just finished

washing Her Boyfriend’s

Black Dodge Ram 1500

& It’s Drying

in Perfect

Sun

BIRTH PLACE OF ELIZA

The Hawk Corner Room 4:33pm

My Daughter, You Are Spectacular

the way I dreamt You up

to be capable of anything

with the nerve & the looks

to go with Your Infinite Abilities

You Can Do Anything

as I imagined when I saw You

in April of 1993

when I wanted A Baby Girl

A Beautiful Daughter —

not even as a compliment to My Son —

A Daughter to stand on Her Own

ready to Wow The World

now at eighteen

with Your tears of disproportion

about Your Idealized Body

Your Perfectly White Smile

and All Your Talents —

shall I list A Few?

After All, I Am Your Mother

& I Will Tell The World:

She Can Sing, Write, Act

Ride A Horse, Sail (Racing)

Bake, Cook, Organize

Play The Piano, Guitar, Saxophone —

She Can Make Money

& Raise It —

She Can Travel Solo

& Paint —

I Am Her Mother

I Made Her

And I Will Not Apologise

for Any of Eliza

 

DEPARTURE

The Hawk Queen Bed 8:00am

When I left My Children’s Father

fourteen years ago in June

I left My Clothes in Atlantic

I left The Pets

I left My Share of The Atlantic House

I left money in a joint bank account

I left two enormous pieces of furniture

The Secretary & High Boy inherited from The Woman I was named after —

I left Them in The Divorce Papers for Peak & Eliza

I had to leave My Kids

because I couldn’t take care of Them

DRIVEN

The Tomato-coloured Couch 6:15pm

We are driven on a cellular level

snaking our way in vehicular shells

out of Our Homes over The Highways

to restaurants & shopping centres

where the precious sight

of one Left Female Hand is held

by a boyfriend’s across a table

while She texts with availability of Right Thumb

next My Daughter breaks into tears

in the kitchen isle of Wall Mart

when I hedge on buying new plates

because I fail to see any

I like

& settle for 2 boxes of 16 piece Zen Plum

glaze-crazed

in the Light

of My Kitchen

CAUGHT

The Tomato-coloured Couch 9:13pm

He stole That Moment, Bastard

My Daughter was in Her Second Summer

when She waved Good-bye

to a Friend I’ll never see again —

held in Her Father’s Arms

My Little Eliza

mouthed the words

uttering Them distinctly —

They were Two Words

I tried not to hear —

He bastardized that moment

in Her very early speech

as He peeled off

My Darling’s “See Ya!”

& caught Them in His too quick

paws

Hand Over Those Words!

Let Me Use Them

as freely as You Do!

I want My Freedom Back

I’ll never get Eliza’s Moment

but I can try to have My Own

without Your constant reminder

even in a petty catch phrase

which seems to have gained in popularity

since I first heard You sing it out

when you were My Doctor

twenty-five years ago

I FEEL NORMAL NOW

The Hawk Corner Room 10:37am

Eliza is off to Italy

I’ve washed Her Bedding

& re-made Her Bed

I’m Showered & Changed

into moss green & taupe

eating a piece of Ancient Grain Toast

& drinking a cup of tea

in Eliza’s tidied Corner Room

I may not run into DHW

before He leaves again

but now, for some reason

I don’t really care