The Hawk West Desk Window August 13, 2013 11:19pm
I no longer think of The Island
as the insular respite I shared each summer
— shared as a pair of stalwarts
as I did with My Mother —
I now think of the broad expanse
of Nova Scotia imperialized
by Its undulating shoreline
to The South
housing Me now
permanently
on an island
off an island
and beyond
The Hawk Portico 2:22pm
Yes, It was MY Depression —
It wasn’t anybody else’s
yet It affected so many —
like My Mother’s Brain Tumour —
Yes, It was HER Tumour
but It affected so many —
and My Shower of Silver Lights —
Yes, It was MY Shower
It affected so many —
and Yes, It still does
The Tomato-coloured Couch 4:15pm
Every September after Labour Day
Our Pets
recognized the smell of Rockland County
by lifting Their Noses to the humid air
crossing the Tapanzee Bridge
happy to be coming back
to Their Most Familiar Grounds
overgrown with dried leaves
and neglect —
They couldn’t be aware
of Our Mother’s apprehensions
for a house vacated by summer tenants:
She usually said
“The House isn’t too bad”
but complained about the yard
while I adjusted to sleeping
in the dark dense air
of My School Year Room
The Tomato-coloured Couch 3:20pm
Would I be unfair or inaccurate
not to include My Daughter
in this singularly female household
supported by One Man
& One Daughter’s Inheritance (that’s Me!)
living a life of leisure
& art —
am I being unfair
to My Self — afterall
I grocery shop
take out the trash
clean occasionally
& try to cook
Yarmouth, NS 6:10pm
My Daughter is beautiful
even in the ugliest of lights
buying Her Bedding for college
on the dirtiest of floors
— the concrete of Wall Mart —
having to use Her Own Debit Card
because Her Mother brought
a wallet-less purse
The Hawk Portico 6:40pm
The Jays Have The Propensity
To Call Me Away To My Childhood
Raised By A Single Mother
On Top Of A Hilly One Acre
In Woods Of Birdsong
& Blind Man’s Bluff
The Hawk Deck 12:30pm
I am out of the literal
& metaphoric bed
of My First 52 Years
I have been shedding My 145 pounds
& am down to a proper 136
with two cups of tea
& half a banana left by Eliza
I have suffered a 24-hour fatigue
& wondered if I was not eating enough —
So What Will Become of My
Shredded Manuscript?
(need I remind You, My Audience,
that 2 copies may, with the Luck of God,
still exist)
& if They do not?
I must accept Their Loss
& shed Them as well
The Hawk West Desk Window 9:40pm
When I was eight
I had My Tonsils & Adenoids out
& answered a nurse’s question
“Do You have a Boy Friend?”
“My Step Brother”
I was told to count backwards from ten
with the Ether Mask on —
I made it to nine
& when I woke up
I sat up
immediately
a nurse came running over
I was put temporarily in a room
with TV’s on the ceiling
& My Mother took Me out
reluctantly
whereupon I threw up at the check-out counter
trying to aim for a proffered garbage can
At Home I feasted on ice water
& mint chocolate chip shakes
& did My school work
with a very nice tutor/babysitter
for ten days
before going back to school
ten pounds lighter
& telling everyone how badly
My Throat hurt
& how much I loved Ice Water
The Hawk Kitchen 11:40am
One Day This Week
I grew into A Giant
somewhere between
Prom on Saturday
& Graduation on Thursday —
It was Wednesday
I came out of The Bathroom
Naked
& felt My Shoulders Rise
My Chest Heave
My Legs Muscle Up —
I felt My Self Grow
like Alice In Wonderland
& climbed the stairs DOWN
to go tell Hunter:
“I’m A Giant —
I’m A Giant!”
–
I’m A Giant of A Mother
I’m A Giant of A Wife
I’m A Giant of A Lover
I’m A Giant of My Life
The Hawk Deck 4:30pm
Twenty Years Ago
I wrote in a hospital:
“I CREATED MY SELF
BUT I GIVE GOD
THE CREDIT”
(Then I got intentionally pregnant)
Now I Say:
“I MADE UP MY DAUGHTER —
I PLANNED HER
TO BE A WOMAN WHO
CAN DO
ANYTHING
(and SHE HAS TO BE BEAUTIFUL)”
Eliza, born into water
came out
P-E-R-F-E-C-T
(& God had nothing to do with it)
Joanna Gilman Hyde 