Joanna Gilman Hyde

"Good Morning, World!"
July 24, 2016

HELICOPTER ART

The Hawk Kitchen Outpost 12:06pm

At 13 I flew

in a helicopter

off the Mc Nutt Island Light Station

to Baccaro, Nova Scotia

and decided to become

a helicopter pilot

doing art on the side

–

At 15 for My Birthday

My Mother provided

My First and Only Lesson

and took a photograph

a double exposure

of Me with My Braid

belting My Self in

–

At 16 I drove My Mother’s VW Square Back

to Spring Valley, New York

to go for a ride

and had the pilot buzz

Nyack High School —

when We got back to the pad

I tried to leave

without paying

–

At 18 I couldn’t get in

to The Coast Guard Academy in Connecticut

because of poor eyesight

and went to Wells College instead

taking all the art

I could take

to transfer into

The Cooper Union for The Advancement of Science and Art

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July 22, 2016

THE TRANSPARENCY OF FLAMING JUNE

The Hawk Kitchen Outpost 4:26pm

My Computerized-tinted Pallette

for The Inspiration

of Flaming June’s Dress

is made up of flaming orange “Zambia”

darker “Darling”

yellow “Evening Star”

“Wild Flower Bouquet” — pink

“Liliana” — aqua marine

sample can of “Hyper”

& down in the cellar

“Banana Daiquiri” from Our En-suite Bath

“Sea Spa” — never-used trim colour

& an old gallon of white semi-gloss —

if M(eye) Transparency is not

see-through enough

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July 20, 2016

A SAD LITTLE POEM

The Hawk Kitchen Outpost 9:15pm

I think I fatally injured

an innocent spider

down in the cellar

cleaning out the kitty box —

did I sweep Him too hard

with the broom?

I think I may have stepped on Him

as He crumpled up and then lay flat

moving only briefly

before I put Him in My Palm

and emptied Him

into the trash

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July 20, 2016

STOLEN HEART

The Hawk Deck 12:43pm

I had a robbery

of My Family’s Happiness

sitting in a Jacuzzi

in Toronto

with Eliza running around

the edge —

I had a robbery

of My Love for My Husband

My Handsome Capable Carpenter —

The Father of My 2.4 Children

I had a robbery

of My Son’s Happy Childhood

when I told Him at age eleven

His Parents were separating

I had a robbery

of My First Marriage

by a skinny little doctor

who called Me a “seer”

on April Fool’s Day

the morning after

My Sacred Shower Of Silver Lights

which NOBODY

will ever

STEAL

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July 20, 2016

WEEK 5

The Hawk Outpost 10:03am

I have to look at The Ocean

differently now —

I can not see

My Future of sexual bliss

in Its glitter

Its beauty is of The Past —

of The Shower of Silver Lights

where no man

but God

was present

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July 19, 2016

LETTER TO MY DEAR READERS

The Hawk TV Room:

Since writing the poem “No Ativan”  I have had to take it for severe sleep deprivation following the too hasty removal of a tranquillizer named Clonazepam which I had been taking to fend off the withdrawal effects of quitting the drug My Husband is now calling “Evil” — Olanzapine.  Along with coming to terms that not only was Olanzapine making me psychotic for eighteen years, the drugs I was taking after my mother died in 1993 were also making me psychotic and resulted in a twenty-three year romantic fixation on another doctor — the realization of this has just come to me today.  What I thought was true love in my mind, based on a “telepathic message” and a “magical moment” with this particular man, was nothing more than my mind’s own trickery due to anti-depressants  I was taking at the time and which induced a manic episode I wrote about and held to my heart for all these years.  I am no longer doing this.  It is a great relief.

Joanna

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July 18, 2016

NO ATIVAN

The Hawk Queen Bed 12:55am

The Rooster and The Cow Bird

seem far away

and I am in the hard core

of My Sleep Restoration —

I have slept tonight

unaided

yet I have woken

to sweaty pyjamas

a cat washing Her Self

on My Head

and an urge

to get up

and write

of My Victory

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July 16, 2016

MY HUSBAND IS ROWING

The Hawk Beach 7:40pm

I’ve made it to The Guzzle

on one night of less than solid sleep

but adequate

for a first day out

with My Ex Cousin-in-law —

a loose black dog came up behind

as I began My Beach Walk

and for the first time

I was not

terrified

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July 15, 2016

ASIDE FROM MY PERFECT PREGNANCY IN 1994

The Hawk Deck 4:04pm

Since that first spring of 1993

with a ten-minute diagnosis of schizophrenia

crowning My Head after My Mother’s Death

and a summer’s hospitalisation for depression

when a psychiatric nurse tried to assure Me

“There will be other summers” —

how could She have known

there wouldn’t be a straight one

until now, twenty-three years later,

when My Second Husband

allows Me to throw

My Bed-thrashing Knees

across His Hip

in the dead of night

and reads My Extensive Medical Records

on His Lunch Break

to find out what happened?

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July 14, 2016

NOTICE TO MY READERS

The Hawk TV Room 8:46am

I have added one line to “Just How Bad Was I?”  Since I have been off the anti-psychotic medication Olanzapine for one month, and over the devastating effects of drug-induced psychosis which I had unknowingly been under for the duration of My “psychiatric history” of twenty-three years — I have only the beginnings of realization as to how much this has not only affected my life, but my writing and art.  I have sincere appreciation for your readership.

Thank you,

Joanna

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